Whither the Dems

In my last post, I mentioned the Democrats had become “confused and sightless” about the future. I saw them as a party driven by polls, not principles. But that’s all right. The process is reversible. I hereby offer my idiosyncratic purification plan for getting the Dems back on track.

No whippoorwill sales. This is a reference to the absurd song “Cockeyed Optimist,” from South Pacific. In it, Nellie Forbush, perhaps the biggest ninny in all of Broadway music, observes, “They say the human race is falling on its face, and hasn’t very far to go… But every whippoorwill is selling me a bill, and telling me it just ain’t so…” And this madness is in the middle of World War 2!

Nellie hasn’t put away childish things. She hasn’t learned to see through a glass, darkly. She doesn’t see the enslaver, the despoiler, the exploiter. She doesn’t see the conquered, the conquistador, and the Inquisitor, the colonialist and the colonialized, the oppressor and the oppressed.

Democratic politics are for people ready to confront the dreadful truth of their humanity; for those who have said, “We have met the enemy, and he is us!” Anything else is a Disney movie.

Collective action is the highest expression of civilization. I’m taking about the kind of teamwork that transcends nationalism and builds international cooperation. The International Space Station is an example; the World Wildlife Fund is a better one; the Paris Climate Accords is the best of the lot. Any international action that defies our tendency toward self-extinction is enlightenment.

The lowest expression of civilization, by the way, is selfish action. It’s the course of action that persistently seeks out the narrow, short-term gain. One would be hard pressed to find a better motto for such short-sightedness than “Let’s make America great again!” Whatever that means, let’s not do it.

Justice is the central business of government. Once upon a time, the appropriate purpose and size of government was an interesting subject of discourse. Then something happened. People understood the enormity of injustice in our country was such that government could never again deal with it unless some basic assumptions about government were re-examined and restated. For example, there was no possibility of coping with injustice unless the raison d’être of government became the eradication of injustice. (And after all, why bother instituting governments if they would not operate at cross-purposes with injustice?)

Does anyone question that government and a concern for injustice have all but parted company? If you harbor any doubt, let me help clarify the question. How’s your health care? Does it depend on how much money you have? How well are your children nourished and educated? Does it depend on how much money you have? How easy is it for you to find and hold a job? Does it depend on your race? Your ethnicity? Your religious convictions? Your sexual preferences? Do you have a sufficient opportunity to vote? Early? By mail? On a weekend? Is your vote real, or has it been gerrymandered into insignificance? Do you feel safe in your neighborhood and in your home? Or do you and your loved ones feel you could be victims of violence at any time? Do the local police serve you? How about the safety of your environment? Are nearby roads and bridges secure? Is your water safe to drink? Do you live in proximity to poisons? Are you in touch with your anger yet? If you are, I congratulate you. You are on the Progressive-New Deal-Great Society arc of history, and you are pointed where Democrats need to be pointed—toward socialism!

In the last presidential election cycle, Bernie Sanders offered the Dems a course correction, away from “let’s fly this up the flag pole” toward “justice, for the survival of the people.” Hillary thanked him with the assertion he was trying to destroy the Democratic party. Au contraire. The lapse of leadership was entirely hers.

I hope the Dems have once and for all said goodby to Clinton and her surrogates. Nothing but sorrow lies down that road.

Fallout

A week ago, America suffered a political calamity. The reaction among the Clintonistas—I’ll call them “Hills” for simplicity—has run the gamut from pathos to resilience. So far, most of the Hills have tipped toward pathos. I’ve seen several species of this sad—and yes, deplorable—mindset, and I’d like to enumerate them for you.

“We need to heal.” Meaning there’s been an insult to the body politic. (This is “insult” in its medical sense, “an action that causes damage to tissue or to an organ.”) Hence the notion that the Hills, and maybe the entire nation, have to begin a “healing process.” It’s as if they need to call on a modern-day Oral Roberts, who will lay on hands and exclaim, “Heal! Heal!”

“We need to do some soul-searching.” Great. And this leads where? Probably to the advanced state of soul-searching known as “hand-wringing.” Isn’t the Conservatives’ caricature of Liberals embarrassing enough already?

“We need to communicate with a broader spectrum of Americans.” I heard Obama say this just the other day. So Hill’s coalition—the broadest in American history—wasn’t broad enough? The issues she addressed on trade, taxation, and social programs offered little to the working class?

“Let’s give him a chance.” Well, he can’t not have a chance; he’ll soon be president. Let me translate. The Hills are really saying, “Let’s not be critical until we see where he’s headed.” Is the picture not clear enough already? He’s setting up a conflict of interest between his office and tangled business interests that’s unprecedented in our history. Our representatives, all the D’s and even the R’s, should be screaming bloody murder. He has co-opted the political establishment in this skullduggery! Then there’s the matter of his appointments. They’re shaping up to be the closest thing we’ve seen since Hitler’s General Staff. Steve Bannon, his Chief Strategist, is the reincarnation of Joseph Goebbels.

But let’s say the unimaginable happens: he reveals himself to be, in fact, compassionate and deliberative! What would that mean? It would mean that one can carry on a deception for 18 months of campaigning. Press the right buttons, get elected, push new buttons to stay in office. This despicable course of events is actually the best “let’s give him a chance” scenario.

My advice to the Hills? Snap out of it! Our home is on fire! Stop running around in circles and call 911!

Weinergate!

My readers are a privileged group. I have news sources lurking outside the offices of every bigwig in government, and when news breaks, my readers see it here first. Often, they see it only here. I haven’t yet won a Pulitzer for my unrivaled reporting, but it’s just a matter of time.

Today, I bring you a secret conversation—secret until now!—between Hillary Clinton and her top aide, Huma Abadin. I know, they’ve had many secret conversations, but this is the conversation. Enjoy.

Hillary: Huma, are you remembering to print out my email?

Huma: I try to, ma’am, but as you know, our printer is a piece of junk. I’m always fiddling with it.

Hillary: Well, you’ve just got to get it done. I’m a tactile person. If the words I’m reading aren’t on paper, they don’t settle into my head properly.

Huma: I’ll do my best, ma’am, but here’s an idea. Why don’t you make two email folders, one called “Personal” and the other called “Business”? That way I’d just print out your business email, and I’d have it for you a lot faster.

Hillary: No, that won’t work, Huma. First, I don’t know what an email folder is, and I don’t care to know. Second, and more important, I need all of my emails on paper so I can refer to them when I write my next memoir.

Huma: Really, ma’am? You know some of your personal stuff gets pretty, uh, critical.

Hillary: What do you mean?

Huma: Oh, like when you wrote that Obama was a disgusting sissypants.

Hillary: Oh, right. Well, that’s the kind of stuff that will sell the new memoir. I’ll be out of public life, and I can just sit back and take shots! Polling be damned! Ha-ha.

Huma: OK, but here’s another thought. I can print all your email as a PDF, send it to my computer, and print it on my printer at home!

Hillary: Whatever… if that works for you.

Huma: Great. I should just tell you that it’s actually Anthony’s computer, but we share it all the time.

Hillary: Is there a kind of, you know, a computer “wall” between your stuff and his?

Huma: Well, actually we never created separate user IDs. Is that a problem?

Hillary: I guess not. After all, we’re talking about Anthony! We can trust him.

Huma: Just one more thing. We’ll end up having sensitive email on multiple private computers. Isn’t that a risky thing to do?

Hillary: Look, every Secretary of State is different. I’m entitled to make the job my own, to make it fit my habits and work style. Every Secretary of State does that.

Huma: OK, then! I think we’ve worked it out. Should I discard the emails on my computer after I’ve printed them?

Hillary: I’ll leave that up to you, dear. If you need to clear some space, then sure.

Now we know beyond any doubt. Hillary is sloppy, negligent, and more than a little imperious. But guess what? I voted for her anyway. No, I’m not out of my mind. She’s got foibles and flaws, and some of them are damn irritating, but… Trump is a monster! Appreciating the differences between them is called “putting them in perspective.”

And please don’t tell me I’m choosing between the lesser of two evils. Human beings are imperfect. We have all done things that are ethically questionable. We’re all susceptible to absurd ideas. So there are more than two “evil” candidates we’re choosing from. But I’d like to reframe the discussion. I’d like to talk about the results that each candidate will produce over the course of four years. Who will help the world become a safer, more secure place? Who is most likely to increase our nation’s prosperity? Who is most likely to push us toward a clean-energy society? When I imagined likely outcomes, my choice was easy.

Are you a dunce?

No one thinks he, or she, is a dunce. If you’re actually not one, good for you. But if you are, well … you generally have no idea that you are. If you’re very introspective, you might conceivably discover it, and under certain circumstances, the odds of such a discovery improve. For instance, an election year enhances your chances considerably.

2016 is such a year and, given the presidential candidates up for election, a particularly good one for self-discovery. Such years are very rare—as infrequent, say, as a total solar eclipse. As a public service, I intend to make it easier yet. Specifically, if you take my questionnaire, you’ll find out for certain.

Please read each question carefully and mark it Y (you agree) or N (you do not agree):

1. Climate change is a hoax invented by the Chinese.

2. Moving from fossil fuels to renewable energy sources will put tens of thousands out of work and wreck the economy.

3. Making huge cuts in income taxes and increasing expenditures is no cause for worry because a great leap in business activity will substantially increase tax revenues.

4. Deporting millions of illegal aliens can be managed at a reasonable cost and without much civil unrest or economic disruption.

5. We can build a wall on our border with Mexico that Mexico will pay for.

6. American is a very dangerous place, and the Republican candidate is the only person in America who can protect us.

7. The Republican candidate has never committed fraud, benefited from illegal labor, or backed out of a business deal and left his partners holding the bag.

8. The Republican candidate seldom uses hyperbole in describing his wealth, intelligence, capabilities, or achievements.

9. The Republican candidate does not routinely tell preposterous lies.

10. The Democratic candidate is responsible for the deaths of Americans in Benghazi on 9/11/12.

11. The Democratic candidate is responsible for the existence of ISIS, the civil unrest in Libya, and the civil war in Syria.

12. The Democratic candidate is responsible for a disastrous nuclear agreement with Iran.

13. The Democratic candidate wants to abrogate the Second Amendment.

14. The Democratic candidate is too weak-willed to be effective as president.

If you marked any of these questions with a Y, you are a dunce, but if you did so just once or twice, there is some hope of re-educating you. More Y’s than that and you are not only a dunce but a hopeless dunce.

Most important is this directive to dunces: Under no circumstances are you to vote in the November election.

Am I right?

Did you catch the news yesterday? They ran the same old shots of Arlington, just like they do every Memorial Day. Well, I hate to tell you, but no one buried there is a hero. All of ‘em died in a war. They were losers. You can’t lose any bigger than dying. Am I right? That’s why I love veterans so much—they fought for us and lived! That’s why Rambo is a real hero. He killed the enemy and lived. There’s a tremendous soldier for you!

Speaking of the enemy, how about all the Muslim crazies in our country? We’ve gotta keep an eye on ‘em. Believe me, we do. Or else they’ll kill us. When I’m president, we’ll put a lid on it, I promise you that. And no more will get in. We’ve gotta stop being stupid about security. Obama doesn’t know what security is. Am I right? He doesn’t even know that these people are terrorists. Seriously, folks, he does not know the word! Not in his vocabulary. And we’ll have to waterboard, too. Is that a problem? We gotta do it. We gotta.

Obama is ruining our military. It’s starving, folks. When I’m president, we’ll rebuild it, and then some. It’s gonna be tremendous—so tremendous that no one will dare to mess with us again, I promise you that! I hate to tell you what we’ll do to ISIS. Bomb the crap out of ‘em, that’s what. No good to hide behind women and children, in schools or hospitals. No good. It won’t help. How long will they fight after that? You better believe it—not long.

And finally, finally, the economy is gonna work again. I guarantee it. We’ll cut everybody’s taxes and zoom. You’ll see growth like you wouldn’t believe! In that economy, if you want a job, you’ll find a job. Even better because the Mexicans who got in here illegally won’t be around anymore to take our jobs away. They’ll be gone. Goodbye, go back where you belong. And there’s a bonus. The murder, drugs, and rape they brought in—that will go back with ‘em! We might break up some families when we send ‘em back, but we gotta do it. Am I right?

Of course, Crooked Hillary wants to keep everything the same—the illegals, the handouts, the crime. Have you ever seen anyone pander like that? If you ask me, she’s got the record. But I won’t say what she’d do if she was president. Really, don’t ask. I won’t say that she’d steal everything in sight and send it to the crooked Clinton Foundation. I know you’d like to hear it, but I won’t say it. I hate to tell you, but our country would go to hell in a hand basket. Four more years of Obama, but even worse, if you can believe it. She’d put us out of the oil business. out of the coal business, and out of the fracking business. Energy independence, say goodbye. She’d call Goldman Sachs and tell ‘em to put her money in wind and solar. Oh, and get this. She’d revoke the Second Amendment, too. We’d not only be broke, we’d be defenseless!

But let’s keep it positive. There’s been a tremendous response to our message. Excitement like I’ve never seen! People who never voted are coming out. Democrats are becoming Republicans. People are lining up for miles to get into the rallies. And those who get in don’t take any crap from people who just want to disrupt. They get clobbered, and that’s just what they deserve. Am I right?

I love you for your support! I love the bikers and the rednecks and the poorly educated. I love women and Mexicans and the blacks who want a job. Stay with me, and we’ll make America great again!

Halley’s Comet returns

I’ve seen 13 presidential races come and go, and I got fired up only once. It was the race of ’71-’72, when the Democrats managed to field an antiwar candidate. Sadly, a pall of doom descended on that election and gave it a sour “what’s the use?” flavor that became all too familiar. That was more than four decades ago, a long time to be uninspired. But now the thrill is back. Another political Halley’s Comet has entered my life: Bernie Sanders is running.

Two very different obstacles stand between Bernie and the White House. They’re the customary ones—getting a party nomination and winning the general election. The former, I think, will be the more difficult one. The Republicans will implode, no matter whom they nominate. I’ll explain why further on, but first to the question of why Hillary is so formidable.

Hillary Clinton is the presumed Democratic nominee, not just by John and Jane Q. Public, but by the media, too. True, this was also the case in 2007, and we know how that turned out. This time, however, it’s a little different…. Hillary is the archetype of the unrewarded woman. She married a satyr who could not be controlled, not even at the risk of a national scandal and her humiliation. It was her bravery, loyalty, and dignity in the face of humiliation that put her in the Senate. She served with competence, became even more admired, and, in 2007, seemed the perfect antidote to the 8-year Bush debacle. But no. Complete vindication—and the honor of becoming the first woman ever to ascend to the presidency—was snatched from her by a rank outsider, an upstart whose only credits were a gift for rhetoric and early opposition to the Iraq War. She tasted bitterness again, but again she showed courage, a willingness to serve, and extraordinary patience. Now she is surely entitled to claim what is her due! No one could be so cruel so as to deny her! Or so many women—millions of them—believe.

The aura of entitlement that surrounds Hillary translates into a mystical quality known as “electability.” The polls say she has a lot of it. She’s an excellent bet to win the general election, or so the Democrats believe. So why take a chance on an old Jewish guy from an all-white state who no one ever heard of before this summer? A guy who’s stuck with the accursed label “Socialist” to boot. What a dumb gamble that would be.

Bernie’s certainly got his work cut out, but he’s up to the challenge. He’s got the most powerful assets a politician can have: intelligence, compassion, and authenticity. His talking points are simple and factual, delivered without deceit or manipulation. There’s no soft soap about coming from the working poor or about parents who were simple union folk. No bad-mouthing or snide innuendos about his opponents. No negative campaigning whatsoever. He’s all about issues. Here’s a small sample from his speeches:

When you look at the basic necessities of life—education, health care, nutrition—there must be a guarantee that people receive what they need in order to live a dignified life.

The time has come to say that we need to expand Medicare to cover every man, woman, and child.

It is insane that we have hundreds of thousands of bright young people who have the desire and ability to go to college but their families cannot afford the tuition.

America is now an oligarchy, not a democracy.

The current campaign system is corrupt and amounts to legalized bribery.

It is an obscenity that we stigmatize so many Americans with a criminal record for smoking marijuana, but not one major Wall Street executive has been prosecuted for causing the near-collapse of our entire economy.

The fossil fuel industry is destroying the planet and getting rich while doing it.

Why is it that Republicans are willing to bail out Wall Street but refuse to act on climate change? Let’s be honest. If the environment were a bank, it would have been saved by now.

The time has come for us to stand up and fight back against voter suppression. We will make sure that voter registration is automatic, the responsibility of the government.

Can you imagine Hillary saying that people must be guaranteed the necessities for a dignified life? Or advocating a health care system that would put health care insurers out of business? Or knocking Wall Street and labeling America an oligarchy? Or acknowledging that campaigns such as hers are legalized bribery? No, all of that is inconceivable. This is a person who has worked incessantly to convince corporations and billionaires to give money to her family’s foundation and to her campaigns. How, then, does Hillary approach the electorate for support? Well, take a look at her first campaign ad… and be prepared to gag, repeatedly.

As to the Republicans…

Could anything be more grotesque than the pronouncements, frequently made by party flunkies and the candidates themselves, that America is blessed to have such an extraordinary array of presidential hopefuls? New Speak was never so perverse! The first candidates’ debate was little more than a showcase for ignorance and mean-spirited ideas. But that isn’t why the Republicans are doomed in 2016. Americans can be sold bad ideas, if they are delivered loudly and pridefully. No, the reason the Republicans are doomed is because Donald Trump, an unelectable, egomaniacal billionaire, has captured the dumbass core of the party. I know of only one other personality like his, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog’s. Take a look and see if you don’t agree.

If Trump were electable, the Republican establishment would embrace him. He isn’t, so somehow they have to ensure he isn’t nominated. Pulling this off will be quite a trick. Trump’s popularity isn’t likely to crumble; it seems to be 100% bullet-proof. He’s going to win some primaries, maybe more than a few. The only workable anti-Trump strategy is to keep as many candidates as possible in the race until next spring and hope to deny Trump 51% of the delegates. It will help that some of the states will parcel out their delegates proportionately, according to the distribution of votes. If this strategy works, the convention will be a mess, and the alternative to Trump will be decided in the proverbial “smoke-filled room.” Of course, this will provoke considerable ill-will, making a Trump third-party candidacy likely. If the strategy fails, Trump will be nominated. Either way, the Republicans lose in the fall.

This presidential race will be quite a show, with a possible jackpot at the end. I acknowledge that Bernie’s odds are long, but for now I’m hopeful. And if he falls by the wayside, will it be decades more before another like him comes along? I’m inclined to think not. Bernie has defined “the chasm,” the distance between what America is and what America could be. He’s defined it better than any major party figure in my memory. So come what may, I’ll always thank him for saying what needs to be said, clearly, repeatedly, and on a big stage.