Every American should be concerned about any loss of productivity in our labor force. We are, after all, living in the most economically competitive world in history. The competitive threats from Asia and the European Union are daunting, not to mention the menace of the BRIC nations. Many recommendations to improve our productivity have come forth, but no one has yet addressed an obvious problem: holiday creep. I refer to our deplorable inclination to commemorate all our notable people, events, movements, and cultural symbols with a national holiday, some of which last two days! I’d like some economist to calculate the annual hit we take to our GNP because of these labor interruptions. It’s got to be considerable.
The cure for holiday creep is consolidation. Instead to adding new holidays, let’s fold up a bunch of them into one monster holiday! Specifically, I propose that we consolidate Martin Luther King Day, President’s Day, Memorial Day, The Fourth of July, Labor Day, and Thanksgiving into a single day. Further, I propose that this day be Super Bowl Sunday! That gives us the bonus of having the mega-holiday occur on a Sunday.
The Super Bowl spectacle has everything that all these separate holidays have. Jets fly overhead. Flags fly on the field. Bands play. The Star-Spangled Banner is sung with flamboyant flourishes. Racially and ethnically diverse gladiators use teamwork to achieve victory. The masses go wild in the stands. Pop culture is lavishly celebrated at half time. Madison Avenue proudly airs its best commercials. Testosterone and beer drinking are honored. The nation’s elite are featured in their opulent boxes. Disneyland gets a callout. Victory is celebrated in the winner’s locker room: hulking men douse each other in champagne; a trophy and commemorative jewelry are awarded. And fittingly, the heroes are given due recognition with a Presidential Phone Call. It doesn’t get any better than this!
Write to your representative today. Let’s get this done for the good of America!
The Scratching Post 