When was the last time you saw a transcript of a high-level meeting in the Oval Office? Never—until now! Because of our adoption of Fly-On-The-Wall technology, this blog can put you right there with the president, just as if you were invited to the meeting! Here’s a dramatic example—a transcript made from a video of a recent top-secret meeting between President Trump, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnel, Speaker Paul Ryan, and Secretary of State Rex Tillerson.
Trump: OK, listen up. We’re here today to blow up the country. Bigly. I want to make sure all of you are on board with the program.
McConnel: Mr. President, could you remind us, please, why we’re planning to destroy America?
Trump: Sure, no problem. We gotta do it for world peace. The world is a dangerous place. I mean, big league dangerous. The Cold War is on again. The only way to end it for all time is to get in bed with Russia. Totally in bed. Right now, we’re like a giant and they’re a dwarf. We gotta be equal, so we gotta stand down in the world, and they gotta rise up.
McConnel: Got it. But doesn’t “standing down” [makes air quotes] mean creating chaos at home and abroad, and hurting a lot of people?
Trump: Well, sure, but we gotta do it. And by the way, Our Russian pals will make me even richer and will make you rich beyond your wildest dreams!
McConnel: Oh, that’s pretty good!
Trump: You bet your sweet ass it’s good. What happens to China is also good. We and Russia will dominate the world. The Chinese think we’re containing them now. They ain’t seen nothin’ yet!
Ryan: Wow! This is genius, Mr. President!
Trump: Yeah. That’s why I’m president. Now, almost everything’s in place. I’ve already done my bit. I’ve got Mnuchin at Treasury, working on a crash that will make 1929 and 2008 look like a walk in the park. I’ve got that dumb cowboy at Energy, who marches to the beat of “Drill, frack, pollute.” I’ve got Pruitt at the EPA so that Perry can get way with it. I’ve got Price at HHS. He’ll unwind entitlements and win over the young voters. And I’ve got DeVos at Education to make sure they’re too dumb to figure it all out. Of course, Tillerson will be coordinating all this with Russia. Isn’t that right, Rex?
Tillerson: [nods]
Trump: Rex took an oath of silence. We were going to cut out his tongue, but his wife objected.
McConnel: Don’t forget about Sessions, Mr. President. He’ll see to it that no one makes waves at Justice!
Trump: Yeah, he will, or more likely, his replacement will. Now, what’s your part in the plan? Simple. You EN-act. You EN-able. While I EN-force.
Ryan: Well, I have to push through your budget, of course.
Trump: You bet. I’m gonna need tens of thousands at work rebuilding our infrastructure so I can point to huge gains in jobs. “Construct while you deconstruct,” as Stevie Boy likes to say. Paul, make sure private contractors get the lion’s share of the work. We’ll pay ‘em a lot, and they’ll express their gratitude, so to speak.
Ryan: [salutes] Yes, sir! But actually, sir, we have to get the health care done first.
Trump: How well I know, Paul. It’s a biggie. You mess it up, and the whole program could go down the crapper. You listening, Mitch? You got half of this problem.
McConnel: With all respect, Mr. President, even you said, “Who knew it was so complicated?”
Trump: I was giving you cover, dumbass!
McConnel: Mr. President, the crapper you refer to has a name—the Russian Connection.
Trump: Yeah, yeah. You need to grow a pair, Mitch. Look. Will the Intelligence Committees go anywhere with this shit? No. The Dems’ll want a special prosecutor. Are you gonna let that happen? No. Am I gonna let that happen? No. So, it’s not gonna happen. Am I right?
McConnel and Ryan: Right.
Trump: Rex, am I right?
Tillerson: [nods]
Trump: OK, then. Let’s do what we need to do!
I know, I know. Why am I sharing this on a blog? Why didn’t I take it to the FBI? It’s pretty simple, actually. Trump is right. The GOP has everything locked up. And we know that we’re living in a post-fact era. Even a video won’t hack it because fact is fakery and fakery is fact. But we few know the truth, and that’ll have to do for now.
The Scratching Post 